Hog Roast, Well Almost…
In a previous life, when I was much younger and much dumber, I used to ride with a motorcycle club. It was the annual Memorial Day run. The shake down run just for the guys, old Ladies not allowed. We would ride north until we found a nice secluded spot to camp for the weekend, as far away from civilization as possible. We always traveled with the club bus to carry all of the gear and supplies needed for such an event. You know the stuff, the beer, blankets, and of course the beer. Did I mention that we usually had plenty of beer with us. We also had plenty of “stuff” for other recreational purposes as well. There was usually a tire pull where you try to race someone on a bike pulling a tire with one of your bro.’s in it faster than the other guy.
Really becomes a blood sport in the woods, if you know what I mean. After many hours of drinking and “stuff” and hitting a few trees we got hungry. Well as this was a non old Lady weekend, no one had really considered bringing food. Did I mention we had plenty of beer with us? As more people got the munchies for some reason or another, many ideas were bandied about as to what to do for food. Some wanted to ride out and find a bar and get a burger, others wanted to hunt down a wild animal and roast it over the fire. Then someone came up with the bright idea of “appropriating” a pig and roasting it. We did have the spit with us after all. As there are always those few that have not finalized their creations over the winter months, some had to ride in a truck instead of on their respective bikes. Several of us were delegated (appointed) to go get a pig. It was around midnight when we left camp in search of our quarry.
Now you would think that finding a pig in farm country in northern Michigan would not be such a daunting task, yet this was the case this night. We road around for several hours and finally found a farm with some cows, but no pigs. We decided that a whole cow would be just too damned hard to haul back to camp. During the obvious argument about how to transport a dead cow over a fence, up walks this pony. It was a very friendly pony at that. He was just looking for some company and perhaps a hand out or two. Then ole Spider whispered, “hey, we could eat that horse ya know”. “They’ll kill us if they find out we fed em a horse” chimed in Short Stack. “Well I have heard that people eat horses”, I added. The decision was made, and the deed was done. After getting that pony over the fence and into the back of the truck, we headed back to camp. After several wrong turns, and a few more smokes, we finally found “home”. It was around 2 or 3 in the morning and everyone was sleeping the days events off. We set about preparing the “pig” for roasting. We hid the remains off in the woods and started cooking our catch of the day. Some time around 10 in the morning, lumps on the ground started to move, and people started to emerge from them, then attempt to stand up and find the keg of beer to start the day off right. Everyone was gathered around the fire with mouths salivating at the prospect of the first pig roast of the year. By the end of the day, all of the “pig” was gone and so was most of the beer.
One more night to recuperate in the woods. Gentle Ben just had to go about this time, and wondered off into the woods to do his business. We were all quit surprised at all of the yelling and cussing coming from the direction that he had gone.
Spider turned to me and with a wild look in his eye he said, “damn, he found the gut pile”. Sure enough here he comes screaming at everyone he could find. “I knew that pig tasted funny, they done up and feed us a horse”. I started to run, but my feet were too slow. After getting rocks and sticks thrown at us, and everyone telling us they were going to kill us for this, Short Stack started to giggle. It seems he had his own private stash and had just finished a smoke. Then someone else found the humor in the situation and there was laughter all around.
That is probably the only thing that saved me from getting my ass wooped.